JUST BE YOURSELF

            

            

                 

The other day, my young niece came to me hurriedly. Without wasting any time with preliminaries, she gushed eagerly, “Aunty, tell me, how can we please and impress our husbands?”  I was taken aback. I knew she is engaged to be married within a month. But that she should be worrying about the ways and means to please the 'husbands' and that she should be choosing poor old me as her advisor and guide took me by surprise and of course I was slightly elated also.

That seemingly simple question set me thinking. It took me forty five years back when I was a new bride, very eagerly trying to please my lord and master and…alas, how hard I tried!

 Very often I heard my husband declare in proud tones,  “I am a truly self - made man.” I could not fully understand the implications of that statement until I embarked on my mission to impress him with my love and affection and to please him with my care and concern.

I started by concentrating on his daily chores and needs. On the very first morning, before he woke up from his beauty sleep, I put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, placed that as well as the towel near the washbasin and waited. But while I was expecting an appreciative nod or even a slight smile, he frowned at my efforts and mumbled, “Why did you do that ? I hate the dried up paste.” With this, he washed off the brush clean and along  with that, my fond hopes too! I dragged myself to the kitchen. “Don't lose the heart,” I consoled myself, “Some people are fastidious about certain things. Try your luck with some steaming coffee.”

As I entered the bedroom with the same, I found him ransacking the whole room. As he saw me he shouted, “Where the devil is the towel?” I ran back and brought the towel from near the washbasin, the very same washbasin where he brushed a while ago, wondering how he could not notice it. “Don't disturb my things, for heaven's sake! See how much time I had to waste!”

I silently offered the cup of coffee. He made a face. “What is this? Oh, coffee! Don't make it for me without asking. I don't have the habit. When and if I feel like, I will tell you. For today, I'll drink somehow.” He gave me a condescending frown. Even now, after so many years, I cannot predict when he likes to have a cup of coffee and resigned to that fact. But that day it was hard to control the tears. As I am not a person to give up so easily, I increased my efforts to please him.

When he was having his bath, I carefully selected a nice dress and spread it out neatly for him, just like the numerous film heroines I watch. Again I received the same frown- this time coupled with slight disgust.  “Oh, what have you done? I don't like this shirt with that pant. For heaven's sake, let me wear the clothes of my choice. Why are you so interfering?” He went on grumbling.

Within a very short period, I realised that he likes to do things in his own unpredictable way, that too on his own. So I had to search for other avenues. Somewhere I read that a short cut to a man's heart is through his stomach. This rekindled my hopes and I started to concentrate on culinary experiments, with a fair degree of success. But alas, I realised in no time, to my despair, that this man's stomach does not lead to his heart! For, though my lord and master is a connoisseur of good food, he never felt the need to acknowledge my efforts. So I chose to close this avenue too. Isn't it futile to go to great lengths to stuff his stomach with delicious food, when it does not fill his heart with affection?

Again I was hunting for other ways and means. Then came a golden opportunity or so it seemed to me. His Highness was to go on a tour for four days. I very carefully washed and pressed all his elegant dresses and filled two big suitcases with all the items, which I thought he might need. He gave one look to the huge bulk of luggage - the same frowning look- and out went my efforts.

“Where do you think I am going and for how many days? I am not going on a life long expedition. Just four days' trip and you pack forty kilos of luggage! Hmm.” He fumed and reached for the smallest suitcase available. Even now, whenever he goes on a journey, he likes to pack his things himself. Of course unpacking on return is left to me.

After wasting a lot of time and energy on continuous trials, I finally realised that it is next to impossible to please and impress this self- made man. But one small hope lurked in my mind still! That if I am away for some days, he will certainly miss me and pine for me!

So at the earliest opportunity I proposed that I would go to my parents’ home on a short visit. I expected requests, pleadings, prayers etc. to drop the idea. You can well imagine my disappointment when he very promptly booked the tickets for my journey for the earliest available day! What a cruel thing to do! Not a single word of protest or a single request to stay! On the other hand, adding insult to injury he declared very benevolently, “Stay there as long as you wish. I can manage well. Don't worry about me!”

In a fit of anger, I decided to stay there until and unless he requests me to come back, with a view to teach him a lesson. But poor me! Days turned into weeks but there was no sign of any letter from him requesting me to start immediately. To be frank, I was expecting a telegram to that effect! After a long and futile wait, I got fed up and sending a telegram myself, I boarded the next train home. When I got down from the train, there he was, standing with his eternal frown! In his own inimitable irritable tone, he rebuked me, “Why did you come back so soon? You should have stayed there a little longer.” I felt like...well, what is the use? Since then history repeated itself several times.

While my parents, sisters, cousins, friends and others compliment his liberal nature and magnanimity in allowing me to spend as much time as I wish with my family, I secretly envy all those women who complain with unhidden joy and pride, “My hubby can't leave me even for a single day.” or “How I had to fight to make him agree for my journey ! Even now he warned me if I don't come back within three days he'll either commit suicide or follow me here.” I often wonder whether my lord and master ever misses me at all !

I was brought back from my reverie by a violent shaking of my shoulder. My niece was looking at me impatiently and in a hurt tone, she said, “What is this, aunty? You did not answer my question. I know for sure, uncle and you are an ideal couple. In our family circles yours is reputed to be the most perfect and successful marriage. But it seems you are not willing to give me even a single tip or hint.” She pouted.

“Oh, no, Pinky, it is not so. I was just lost in the memories. Don't mistake me. I don't know how to answer your question. There is no secret at all.” I paused and choosing my words carefully, pronounced, “You just be yourself and let him be his own self. That is all I have been doing all these years, whether you believe it or not. That alone will make your husband as well as yourself happy and contented and your marriage a success. You need not make any extra effort at all!”