THE FRUSTRATING FIFTIES

                                        

Subhash looked at the slightly elderly man in front of him. Dressed in the garbs of a sadhu, he presented a picture of a serene, compassionate and wise person. He remembered the words of his friend, Giri. 'He is capable of finding out what is wrong with you and will offer you a sensible solution for all your problems. No miracle cures or elaborate rituals. Just like some psychological counselling.'

He sighed. What's the harm in trying? The Man looked at him and asked gently, "Tell me, son, what's ailing you?"

Immediately he felt like opening up to him. Clearing his throat, he started. "Suddenly it seems the world around me is changed drastically. I feel my life is slowly degenerating. I don't know whether something is wrong with me or with the others. Nobody cares for me nor understands me. I feel terribly sick all the time but the numerous doctors I consulted, find nothing wrong with me. Even my family members are vexed with me and accuse me for being unreasonably fussy."

His voice choked and he could not speak further. The Man looked at him sympathetically. He kept quiet for a while and then asked him, "Don't mind my asking, you must be around fifty years, right?"

He was surprised at the unexpected query. Nevertheless replied, "I completed fifty a few months back."

He nodded his head. Then he said, "I think I can tell you what is troubling you. It is your age."

Subhash looked at him disappointed. "You too?" In a quivering tone he said, "Everybody blames my age for my every problem in a dismissive tone. It hurts. It hurts a lot indeed. Youngsters and teenagers, including my own children resent talking to me and do not take any interest in whatever I say." He was almost in tears.

The Man looked at him kindly. "All that and many other things prove the fact that you have entered your Fifties. Don't think I cannot understand your feelings. I can elaborate your experiences and the disgusting situations better than you which drive you to depression and frustration."

The Man looked at him enquiringly. Subhash nodded. He continued.

"You are at a loss to understand what is happening around you. Suddenly it seems that your world has changed. Drastically at that ! No longer can you hear the music of the Spring, nor can you enjoy the picturesque things around, nor feel like 'jumping with joy' or 'dancing with the daffodils'. You find a high degree of gloom, moroseness and melancholy all around. Slowly you start feeling that you are too young to be called old but at the same time too old to be called young ! Strange - isn't it ? And very frustrating too, if you ask me. All these and many more things prove the same fact -that you are entering your Fifties !

"You said you start feeling that slowly your life is degenerating. Mark my words, fifties are the most frustrating years of your life.

"You suddenly realise that of late, people started addressing you as ‘Sir’ in respectful tones! Youngsters, especially your junior colleagues keep a polite distance from you. They start uncleing you, deriving some perverse pleasure, or you think so. And you suddenly realise that the world is filled with only youngsters ! There are awkward pauses in your conversations with them, predominant reluctance on their part to listen to you and answer your good-natured questions etc. They hint subtly and sometimes quite directly that it is none of your concern and you realise it is time to mind your own business. But sadly you do not find what else is your business.

"Next, you come to know that you no longer are able to share the world of umpteen number of teenagers around even. The music they listen, the movies they enjoy, the books they prefer, their vocabulary, their choice of words, their erratic habits - in short, everything they do seems to be out of this world. Or you, yourself feel like being out of their world, completely ! Still, the world seems to be filled with arrogant young brats - most undisciplined and wayward. You feel like speaking about 'good olden days' but restrain yourself from doing so.

"When you go shopping for clothes, you find, much to your disgust, the salesman is no longer enthusiastic. He yawns a little, groans a little and pulls out a handful and waits impatiently for you to choose quick. Your particular choice is no longer appreciated by him! Not at all! And you, who got a reputation for tasteful selection, will be told, “That suits college students better, Sir.” Then it is time for you to realise that you should be very choosy, like never before. You cannot buy and wear any dress unhesitatingly and be acclaimed as the best-dressed person around any more! In addition, the most frequently heard comment, though ruthless, is, “You are becoming more and more fussy with age.”

"After being enlightened about your age, next comes the most bitter part ! This is the time when you slowly start to gain a little weight. But people around you will take it for granted. When you give your pants for alterations, your trusted tailor suppresses a smile. Or he appears to be doing so. Believing in the age old dictum about a stitch in time saving nine, you try to get rid of the unwanted and unbecoming flesh. But all your attempts to seek advice and tips towards that goal are pooh-poohed. The most common reaction of people will be, “Oh, don't bother, it suits your age”. 

Your better half, whom you made fun of all these years for her disproportionate body and dishevelled appearance will now have her revenge. She starts making fun of your slight paunch, receding hairline etc. Not only does she lead you to the weighing machine quite frequently, but she also starts hooh-haahing about your gain of even a single milligram! She starts advising you to try low-calorie, fat-free and healthy cooking and avoid oily fast food. She slowly tries to push you to take up daily morning walks and jogs. Then she starts counting your white hairs although it is your firm opinion that there are not many! She starts shopping for hair dyes too!

"The oldies suddenly start showing much interest in your company and try to drag you into their gossip sessions much against your resistance. And you realise to your surprise that you really enjoy all that, like never before ! Those who were preaching to you till now about the 'good old days’, start seeking your endorsement about the moral deterioration of society, lack of discipline around, poor quality of contemporary education, movies, music etc. And, you realise that you really agree with all that, like never before! Then they start suggesting some really good matches for your college going daughter!

"All this makes you sick and to some extent ill. Your body becomes weak and every organ seems to be out of order. Your wife starts seeking your teenage son's or sometimes daughter's help to move furniture and other things around the house. But when you go to your doctor, he does not show any interest or concern. “Very common at your age”, he simply smiles sympathetically. But you strongly believe your case is different and beyond his diagnostic capability and go on changing doctors. But much to your surprise, you will not find even a single efficient doctor !

"All this and many other things prove the same fact. That you have already entered the Frustrating Fifties." He stopped to catch his breath.

Subhash listened to his emotional tirade with a bated breath. "How accurately you described my condition! As if you can visualise everything!" The Man just shrugged his shoulders. Instinctively Subhash folded his hands and asked, "What should I do to cope with it? How can I find peace of mind?"

The Man smiled wryly. "You have to just accept the fact, son. And realise that it is a natural phenomenon which you cannot escape. Try to enjoy your life in the changed scenario." He paused for a second and declared sombrely, "Or renounce everything like I did some twenty years back."

Subhash was rendered speechless!

 

THERE IS A SHE IN EVERY HOUSE

 

A story is published in the latest issue of the weekly, titled "SHE". It is written by 'Mitrasri'. Here are some excerpts from the story.

EXCERPTS  FROM  THE  STORY  "SHE":

She considers herself as a flop, an utter failure. She doesn't know how and where she went wrong in her life. But the result is she is a waste. 

But I don't agree, not at all. I know her since a long time. I observed her from very close quarters and can read her mind inside out. So I can analyse her very accurately. I know she is good and pleasant by nature, optimistic and fun-loving.

She loves life. But I feel she does not know how to enjoy it. 

She craves for friends and friendships. But never knew how to cultivate them. She feels nobody understands and appreciates her innermost thoughts and sentiments as she never got a chance to express herself properly. She is very sensitive and even the slightest adverse comment from others, makes her withdraw into her shell. I know very well she strives very hard to get rid of that shortcoming. But how can she change her basic nature? She always hesitates to open her mind to others because she never finds any empathy or compassion. She craves for at least a couple of encouraging words from those around. But the only reactions she gets are ridicule, insults or plain indifference. Maybe the fault lies with her. But she does not know how to rectify it however much she wants to.

She is basically an introvert but needs at least one soul to share her feelings and emotions with.

I remember, she has always been a good listener and used to be always a  good conversationalist too. People used to confide in her and looked forward to her advices. But all that was long back. Now it remained a past..very remote and distant past, much before the constant ridicule and criticism made her shaky and unsure about herself. Of late I find her ill at ease with people and she almost lost contact with all others. She herself cannot believe and often wonders at this drastic change in her personality. 

Her family mistakes her to be very over anxious and depressed. Any stray and sporadic negative comment uttered by her is remembered most and harped upon for ever. She is at a loss how to make herself understood clearly. Unable to do so, she keeps silent and her thoughts to herself. 

She is a fatalist and accepts life as it is, whether she likes it or not. But sadly nobody realises this brighter side of her. She is branded as a pessimist which she is not...never, I am sure about that. She is very positive by nature. But the only problem is that she cannot project the good side of her effectively. 

She always strives to improve the prevailing situations and quality of life. But I am sure, she is not at all an unsatisfied soul or difficult to be pleased. She is serious by nature. All this makes her appear to be morose and unhappy and unsatisfied with her lot which is a gross misconception. 

She is a woman of high principles which she values a lot. But she is not rigid or condescending towards others. She believes in letting go the things which are not to her liking.

She never could appreciate the idea of people deriving vicarious pleasure by making fun of and pulling the leg of others in the name of fun and frolic. For this, she is often branded as having no sense of humour which is very unfair. She is fun loving by nature and enjoys clean and neat humour. She is sad at this wrong notion but cannot wipe it off.

All this leaves her depressed and sad. But she strives very hard to just focus on the brighter side of things. But disappointments are rather hard to ignore. And constant ridicule takes its toll on the mental health of even the sanest person.

She is intelligent. But not worldly wise. She is not clever enough to manipulate and shape her life to her liking. She never could fathom why she appears to be stupid and dumb to others. During her student days she was envied for her intelligence. Being clever seemed to be a big handicap for her, resulting in isolation and alienation. She developed and cultivated the habit of concealing her only asset.

She is not an expert cook. Above mediocre but never bothered much to improve her culinary skills. That is the only regret she has in her life. Now she realised rather late in life that the only way for a woman to be remembered and appreciated by all is by doling out delicious food. Nothing else matters.

Now she is vexed with her worthless existence and looks forward to the end of it all. In her opinion, when she is gone, nobody will shed a tear for her. Nobody will remember her fondly. She is sure it will be a big relief for her family. She will leave no fond and sweet memories behind. It is a very sad state of affairs. But she believes very strongly so. Wherever she goes afterwards, she is sure there is nobody to welcome her. She will be a loner there as well!

I know her since long and have been her ardent admirer. I love her very much and wish to see her happy and peaceful always. But I cannot help her in anyway. I am helpless. All she needs from life is at least one word of appreciation or one caring soul. 

If ever you come across her, give her a friendly smile.

MOHAN:

Mohan finished the story and sighed. How well written! He felt he also knew her. From very close quarters. Sounded very familiar. 'Is it not...is it not my wife?' He thought. Some guilt pangs pulled his heart strings. Is he not treating Kalyani, his wife, the same way? He felt like doing some introspection. So far, he never bothered about her feelings, never offered her even a small encouraging or appreciative comment but always found fault with her outwardly though he felt otherwise in his heart of hearts. Why does he behave like that? There is no plausible explanation other than that he enjoys to dominate her in every respect. Why is he so egoistic as not to give due credit to her? He knows she is reasonably educated and she is a voracious reader too. He knows she is fairly knowledgeable. Still he resented whenever she opened her mouth in the presence of guests and relatives. Now only it struck him that she virtually became silent in his presence unlike when they were newly married. Then she was a bubbly and extrovert young woman but now... completely opposite. How many times he criticised her for being dumb and morose! Is it his doing only? Did he drive her to that stage without even intending or realising? 

This story opened his inner eye to a large extent. He identified with the husband of the story and Kalyani is like the wife therein. Does she feel so depressed as to be noticed by some observant outsider, like this author? He is mentioned as only 'Mitrasri', obviously a pen name. Who is he? Whoever he is, he opened his eyes with his small yet moving short story. He decided to change things in future. But he should thank the author first.

He felt like writing to him which he did..wrote him a long letter care of the magazine. But he did not reveal his identity. 'Let it remain in dark', he thought.

And so did Sekhar, Krishna, Vinod, Jagan and many others....

PADMA:

Padma finished reading the story and closed the magazine with a heavy heart. How touching! She is sure it is her story only. But who is the author? He is mentioned as only 'Mitrasri', obviously a pen name. Who is he? Any neighbour? Or relative? Who knows her so well and is concerned so much about her lot? 

She also has been facing similar situations day in and day out. Her husband, Giri, her children, all treat her like a nobody. She is insignificant in their eyes. Her husband never asks nor cares for her opinion in any matter. Her views are never sought regarding any major decisions of the family. In brief, she is almost non existent as far as her family is concerned. Her welfare or tastes or health or desires are least important for everybody around. And she is always the butt of their jokes to her utter disgust. She sighed. How true the story appeared!

She felt like writing to the author, which she did...wrote him a long letter care of the magazine. But she did not dare reveal her identity. She is afraid of the repercussions. 'Let it remain in dark', she thought.

And so did Vanaja, Parvarhi, Kavitha, Meenakshi and many others....

SUJA  AND  DEEPU:

Deepu closed the magazine and looked at his sister, Suja. The teenagers remained silent for a while. It is obvious that they were thinking about Shanthi, their mother.

"Don't you think it is the story of Mummy?"

Deepu nodded. "Is that why you told me to read it?" 

"Yes, sounds similar, doesn't it? Did we ever give her any respect? Just like Daddy, we also have been ridiculing her and talking lightly about her. Even in front of our friends and all others. Now it seems very cruel and unfair on our part."

"Yes, now that you say, I also feel the same way. How much she strains herself for our sake! We never acknowledged her efforts. We take her for granted. We never acknowledged the delicious food she took so much pain to dole out for us keeping in mind our individual tastes so well. During our sicknesses she tends to us so lovingly. When it is our exam season, she is always there to help us through, tolerating our mood swings. Still we always sulk and shout at her." Deepu also agreed with Suja.

"We tend to take out our frustrations on her. Poor mother! How much we have been hurting her! She never said any harsh word to us. In fact even when Daddy is cross with us, she shields and protects us. We should treat mother properly, Deepu, at least now. We should not hurt her feelings. All these days we failed to realise that. It is time we should change our attitude and behaviour." 

Deepu nodded in agreement. "By the way who is this Mitrasri? Anyone known to us, any man living around? Or one of our relations, who has been observing us closely? Otherwise how can he describe our lives so accurately?"

"Whoever he is, that is not significant. Let us write to him thanking for his story and making us realise our folly."

And they did...wrote him a long letter care of the magazine without revealing their names. "Let us remain unknown." They decided.

And so did Prema, Rohit, Hima, Pradeep, Seema, Rajesh and many others...

SUMITRA:

Sumitra looked at the pile of letters sent by the magazine in disbelief. She is surprised at the response she received for her story written under the pen name of Mitrasri. It is amazing that some hundreds of readers identified with her little story! In fact the short story 'SHE' is the result of her efforts to present her own story and thereby give vent to her emotions. A sort of an autobiography! But these letters! Amazing!

It proves that she is not the only one in this situation! There are many. In fact it appears there is a SHE in every second home.